You're Spilling Like an Overflowing Sink
by articcat621
Summary: Hermione isn't immune to falling apart.


A/N: Many thanks to SweetTale4U for letting me bare my soul to her... she's the best beta/friend/shoulder-to-cry-on that anyone could have.

Warnings: Angst (lots of it), Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Potential Triggers.

Disclaimer: JKR owns the world & characters of Harry Potter, not me. I'm not making any money from posting this... nada.

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 _You're Spilling Like an Overflowing Sink_

Hermione closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around herself to fight the cold. As if sensing that was freezing, the wind picked up. It blew by her, causing her curls to whip about. Her cheeks stung from the cold. She knew that it was near time for her to head back to the castle, but she couldn't bring herself to move.

A lone sigh escaped her lips, the tears threatening to spill over. She sniffed, telling herself firmly that she was not going to cry again that day. She refused to.

She attempted to clear her mind, but the task was near impossible. Despite the fact that she knew her thoughts held no truths, she couldn't help but think them. They were irrational… annoying… destructive… She couldn't stop.

Hermione thought about Ginny, the witch she had considered her long-time friend. She sniffed, feeling the corners of her eyes well with tears once more. Ginny wasn't speaking to her. She wasn't quite sure what had happened, but something had shifted in their relationship. They went from constantly speaking to barely speaking at all, and Hermione had no clue as to why.

 _If I did something, why couldn't she just tell me? I can't stand that she isn't speaking with me. What did I do wrong?_

Slowly, a tear slid down her cheek. Hermione knew that in a moment, many more tears would follow.

Severus had told her that she had nothing to worry about concerning Ginny. He insisted that her pregnancy had her a little stressed out and that she shouldn't take any of it personally.

Hermione, however, couldn't help it. She took it personally. The silence from Ginny and the awkward glances, when they were around each other, were enough to pierce Hermione in the heart.

 _I just wish she would talk to me. If only she could tell me what I did wrong, I could fix it_. She choked on a sob, the tears now freely streaming down her face.

 _Merlin, I'm so stupid_ , she thought viciously, tightening her arms around herself, her nails digging into her arms. The sharp sting of pain did nothing to abate the swirl of emotions within her.

 _Severus must think I'm an idiot_ , she thought, shaking her head. _I know that he can't stand to see me cry. I'm not the strong witch he thinks I am. I don't even know who I am_.

The feeling of loneliness was so strong that Hermione felt herself drowning in it. She couldn't breathe, a small part of her wishing that she could disappear into nothingness.

 _Because that's what I am… Nothing._

 _I mean nothing to no one..._

 _I'm worthless_ …

She sobbed even harder, knowing that she sounded like a fool. The rational part was fighting within her, trying to regain control, but that side of her wasn't winning. The anxiety-ridden part of her was. The part of her that hated herself, that constantly reminded her that she wasn't good enough for anybody… that was the part that was winning.

"There you are."

She turned quickly, eyes wide at having been caught. Her breath quickened even more and she tried to even it out.

"Merlin, Hermione," Severus hissed, quickly coming to her side. "Shhh, you're all right," he soothed, taking off his outer robes and putting them around her. "You're absolutely freezing."

"S...Sorry," she murmured, rubbing slightly in his embrace. She absolutely loathed him seeing her this way…. She hated him seeing her so weak.

"Come on, let's get you inside." Severus effortlessly picked her up, cradling her close to his chest. He turned on the spot, Apparating them inside the castle to their rooms.

Hermione closed her eyes, pressing her face against his chest, inhaling the sweet scent of sandalwood and smoke. She also detected a slight bitterness, most likely rotten potions' ingredients. She felt herself be lowered and knew that Severus had put her on their bed. She covered her face with her hands, embarrassed and hating herself all the same.

Severus firmly grasped her hands, pulling them away from her face. "Let me see you," he murmured quietly, having experience with her breakdowns. He reached up, brushing the tears from her face. "I love you."

Sniffing, Hermione gazed into his dark eyes. "I love you, too." She sniffed, taking a moment to try and collect herself fully. Her heart was no longer feeling as if it were going to beat out of her chest. She took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't you ever apologise," Severus told her firmly. "You don't need to apologise for something like this. Understand?"

Hermione nodded.

"Would you like some tea?"

She nodded once more.

"Mimsy!" Severus called out for their house-elf. When the small elf appeared, Severus told her to fetch them both some tea and biscuits. When Mimsy disappeared, Severus turned his attention back to Hermione.

"Let me get some balm for your arms," Severus said firmly, standing up and striding towards their bathroom.

Hermione glanced at her arms and flushed. There were little marks from her nails, some of them deep enough to have drawn blood. Embarrassment and guilt flooded her. "I'm sorry," she whispered quietly as Severus carefully took one of her arms, inspecting it. She nibbled her lower lip with worry as he applied the healing balm.

"I wish you would talk to me," Severus said once he finished. "You know I'm always here to listen, no matter what I'm doing."

"I don't want to interrupt your work," she mumbled. Hermione knew that as the Headmaster, Severus was always busy. Typically, she was busy as well as the school's Potion's Mistress.

Severus arched a brow in disbelief. "Yet you have no difficulty interrupting me when you want sex." A small smile tugged on the corner of his lips. "Why don't we go sit by the fire?"

Hermione appreciated the fact that Severus never pressed her for answers or excuses. She wanted to move forward, forgetting about the breakdowns that she was frequently having. "Will you read to me?" she asked, giving him a smile.

Severus returned her smile fully and she felt her heart melt. She loved him and knew that she was blessed to have his love in return. "Of course, I'll read to you. Shakespeare?"

"Yes, please." Hermione stood, taking Severus's hand as she did so. Standing on tiptoes, she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Thank you."

"Whatever it is you need," Severus promised.

She smiled before pulling him along into the den. Letting go of his hand, she took a seat on the sofa and took her mug of tea from the table in front. Once Severus got himself situated, she snuggled in against his side. She was grateful to have his support while she went through this rough patch of life.

"Where did we leave off?" he murmured, turning the pages. "Ah, here we are. Sonnet 43. 'When most I wink, then do mine eyes best see…'"


End file.
